Guess who they are?
Yes it's the first time they are here in the country (despite the fact that I have been studying here for 7 years lol) and, they finally come to visit me!
It is lovely to be with parents in London, because I never see my family in this place. Since I came to England to study, my mind categorizes this country to be a 'working and studying space', and I only see friends here all along, no family, not anything related to home and family, although most of my friends are Chinese, and the Chinese culture is being respected here in England, I still think this country is a space for me to work, I don't really see it as a home.
When my mum and brother came to this country with me in September, I had a very strange feeling, somehow I couldn't match the people and the space together; and I couldn't figure out myself as well. I have a completely diverse character in this country, I don't act as a child as I do in HK; I have to do everything by myself; I have to be strong and talented in order to take care myself and the others; but at home, especially my parents are there, I am always their little daughter, I don't have to worry about food, I don't have to do the laundry by myself, and so on. In the other words, in my mind, UK = on my own, strong, adult, able to handle everything; HK = a child, well cared, rely on parents. Therefore, when my family came here, I just can't get things right; can't get a balance; everything isn't correct. Things are coming up to me when they weren't supposed happening in this place.
However, before this September, I did see my family present in the UK several times in the past few years, well, in my dreams they did. Everyone has different concepts and ideas about spaces and people I believe, perhaps my mind is strange, it doesn't work well enough in relating people and places, and something I must mention, I AM CONFUSED BY DREAMS. I am always not so sure about truths and dreams. It is interesting. I just discovered that in the past few years. It might be because my mind is trying to memoerise and analyst so much, even far more than it can possibly bear with.
Argh i hate this!!!!!
I am confused!!!!!
Now I just wanna treat my parents as good as I can in here, as they aren't familiar with the country but I am, and it's my responsibility to take care them and show them around. See! Everything turns around! I don't usually do that with them, my mind can't load helpppppppppppppp!! I am with family but I need to go to school, these 2 things don't go together!! I am in the situation which is extremely difficult for me to find a good way to deal with. It's hard, for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment